Me,the ungrateful toot.....

I am feeling a little bit under the weather today. The reason? I just received my MAKNA newsletter. This time, they featured the pancreatic cancer survivor, who used to be an odd job village labourer staying some 52 km Temerloh who also, had a wife who is bedridden, suffering from a stroke. The wife has recently died(AlFatihah, may Allah bless her soul). His first son is an SPM candidate and his youngest son, a PMR candidate.He had to sell off his possessions, to raise money for his usual journey to a hospital in Temerloh for his cancer treatment. Reading about the less fortunate cancer survivors made me feel angry with myself. I have been so lucky to feel fine throughout my cancer journey and my last post sort of had a hint of complaint...why would I worry about other people's perception? I should be worrying about not being able to do more to help other cancer survivors who are in need of help..
Astaghfirullah..I should feel grateful for everything, for all the things I have been provided with. Even when tested with this illness, I am blessed with things which is considered luxury to others.
Forgive me God, for I have been ungrateful...

Almost December already....

It has been quite a while since my last post..
...have been busy thinking about getting back to work in January...
...been busy thinking about the possibility of moving...
don't know when to start packing
...been busy thinking about...chemotherapy and what comes after this...but according to my surgeon "Hey,don't you worry about what's coming tomorrow, you are lucky to still be here today...".yes she's right, Alhamdulillah...I am still able to enjoy spending time with my family.
....been busy thinking about getting back into the real world, working and meeting more people at work..
seriously...it has been almost 24 months since I went to work..
I am ready for work and I do believe what I really have to prepare myself for is other people's perception of cancer survivors...
What they need to know is we are still the same person as before we were diagnosed with this illness. The only difference is the physical aspect, in my case: innalillah wa inna ilaihi rojiuun,...less of this and less of that.....
Our way of life may be different now that we have more time to ourselves but thank God our thinking skill remains the same.
Thank you God for everything you blessed me with; a handsome, loving Pak Meon, good sons, lovely brothers and sisters, wonderful friends and a beautiful world to live in...and may all of the above get to be among the chosen ones to enter Your paradise...

A week stay in KL..

Alhamdulillah! On the 22nd of October 2009,I am already halfway through my series of chemotherapy. As if celebrating, I spent the whole week in KL.It was celebration alright, I had the chance to meet up with Kak Chit and the glam girls at Puteri restaurant on Friday.(I had my 6th infusion the previous day).Thank you Kak Chit for the invitation. I really appreciate the time I spent with the wonderful ladies.As usual, a series of snack/teh tarik sessions with my beloved friends from kb.Thank you Zana, Zu, Ayie, Yat and Pnut and Liz for spending your precious time with me. I enjoyed every minute of it.
I even managed to squeeze in a get together with a group of my ex students from 2001. Thank you Mr. Early, Epoi, Sungkai, Aina and Zuw. I really had fun talking to all of you, my grown up kids.
Thank God,my week stay in KL also allowed me to meet a very special baby, Ahmad Qadry bin Muhammad. He is my nephew who flew in from Brunei to have his heart condition assessed by a panel of doctors in KL. I can't possibly write all the medical jargons to explain his condition at the moment.It's just too complex. I can only wish him and his family the best of luck in deciding on the best option to improve the quality of his health.

Thursday night reached Penang, Friday night pushed off to KL again...ha ha

After my chemo on Thursday 15th Oct, I took the coach to Penang with Hafiz by my side. He volunteered to accompany me to KL this time now that his PMR examination is over. Came home and suddenly Haiqal had the most brilliant idea to travel to KL(back again?) to meet his uncle Uda whom we haven't met from 2006.He will be back from Brunei late Saturday night. My sister has planned a get together on Sunday morning tahlil and breakfast session and I just couldn't posssibly miss it, It really has been a long time since all 8 of us, with our children get together.
So Harris, Haiqal and I, the three of us took a train from Butterworth last night. Thank God we managed to get the sleeping bunk.Although we could't get the lower bunk, we still enjoyed the journey. Alhamdulillah. Haiqal now insist on accompanying me everytime I travel to KL for my chemo,"As long as we take the train, mom!" He said cheekily. Iyolah.......Haiqal.
I will be in KL this whole week and I hope God will give me the strength to overcome any side effect I may get. This coming Thursday Oct 20th, is another chemo day for me. I hope everything will be alright. As long as I take it easy these next few days, InsyaAllah! My main problem with being in KL, being near by my brothers and sisters and childhood friends is: Overeat and Undersleep. Nevertheless, I am enjoying every moment. Thank you God!

Ca marker news made my day..Alhamdulillah...

On my way to KL on Friday evening, I stopped by at Gunung Semanggul R&R to have a snack. While enjoying my food, my cellphone rang, a cheerful familiar voice greeted me with salam. It's my dear Oncologist,who wanted to share with me the good news she has just received from the lab. This is one of the many reason I am thankful to God; for bringing this wonderful doctor into my life. Her positive attitude and helpful, cheerful voice is just what a cancer patient needs to feel good while getting treatment.She just called to let me know that my Ca marker has gone way down after two weeks, from 66 to 60 after the first week, and 2 weeks later dropped to 30. Ya Allah, thank you Allah! Thank You God for this good news.
Just as we started walking to the car, my youngest, 10 yr old Haiqal hugged me so tight and whispered to me, "Mom, I'm so glad that you are not gonna die just yet, I 'm so happy mom..!" I replied," Everyone's going to die, Haiqal..that is something which we all have to accept, sayang" and he said,"Yes, but you are not going to leave me so soon...and I am thankful to God." and I just wiped off my tears of joy for having such a thoughtful son who loves to talk to me about facts of life, among other things. He is so much like his late big brother, he even looks like arwah Hilman.
How can I not be so grateful, when Allah's blessings make my few hardships seemed like a drop of water in a lake.
My chemotherapy session went well despite some minor irritable incidents which I now chose to forget and only focus on the positive things in everything. Irritants will be everywhere and to be affected by each one of them will only bring more stress to my chemical bloated body. How lucky I am to have such a dear Pak Meon to always be there to help me with my "heated fuse". Thank you Allah for a wonderful, helpful hubby you blessed me with. Both of us have gone through a lot together, raising our 5 boys,losing our first born, living with illness and I hope we will continue to be thankful to Allah for all the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon us.
Subhanallah walhamdulillah wa la ila haillallahu Allahu Akbar....

Whoa..light headed for 5 days...

On Sunday, I insisted that we go visit my sisters and brother in law's houses. So we managed to go to two houses, good enough considering we started off from our house at 5 pm. On our way home, I could hardly sit up straight in the car. Lucky for me , I had a couple of big, cosy thighs to rest my head on. I felt tired and sleepy most of the time from then on and it lasted for 5 days. Fortunately, during those times that I have to send and fetch my children to school, I managed to do so. Although I felt like a zombie, but I managed to give my full attention on the road. Thank God for the strength.
The boys have been wonderful in taking care of themselves during those times. Although they insisted on taking care of me during school time, I honestly prefer them to be in school. There's not much of help I need in the morning actually, I was just asleep almost all the time. No vomitting no pain, just plain sleepy, thank you Allah. I have heard of worse chemotherapy side effects.
Daddy and the boys have taken care of the laundry and dishes earlier in the morning. Thank You God for the caring family You blessed me with. This is just one of the many, many things I have been blessed with. Thank You Allah.
This Saturday is going to be Part 2 of the second cycle. From the first experience, the part 2 infusion doesn't give me that much problem compared to the first one. InsyaAllah, everything will be alright. If it doesn't, that problem will eventually end, without fail. Everything will come to an end, good times or bad times.
Live your life, one day at a time.
Count your blessings,
Live through your hardship with patience and zikrullah,
There is one way that leads to happiness: stop being worried about the things beyond your control.

Alfatihah for Arwah fellow blogger r2d2, I just had the strength to read fellow cancer survivors' blogs today and I just found out about her passing. May Allah bless her soul.

first session of cycle 2 chemo done, thank you Allah...

Thank You God for making this trip a pleasant one. Drove to KL on Friday.Made the complete round of Raya visits to my family's places. Have to make those visits to friends next time, which is next week, hopefully.
I drove to the hospital alone and came home to Along's place safely, Alhamdulillah..Had Ah Yen and her mother at the ward as lovely company today. Had wonderful lunch sharing rice and chilli fried fish with Ah Yen's mother. Thank you, Ma'am. I hope the treatment you will be seeking will be able to kill those cancer cells. Radio frequency therapy....hmmm I haven't checked that out myself.
It's so touching to see how Ah Yen and her siblings really care for her cancer survivor mother.
Ijah and hubby and baby #3 came over to visit me. Luckily they caught me just in time before I was discharged. Thank you Ijah for visiting.
We left KL after dark for we went to Mariam's open house. After getting a short nap at her place, we started our journey. Hazim drove all the way and Harris and Haiqal got us fresh and alert by not sleeping as well. So, we chatted and chatted till we reached home at 1.30 am. What a wonderful time spent with the kids. We talked about so many things, so I thought..ahh..this is just one of the blessings in disguise, living with cancer has brought us so much closer in so many ways. Thank you, thank you Allah.
The way to be a happy person is to only think of the good side of anything or anyone.
The way to be a happy person is to look at all the good things that ever happened in your life.
The way to be a happy person is to think of all the good things God will bless you with.
Really, it is really not difficult to be a happy person even when you are faced with what you thought to be the most challenging situation in your life.